Suspending judgment and yet being action oriented

Labels such as 'good' and 'bad', 'right' and 'wrong' tend to distract from reality. Judgment tends to take focus towards a world as we would like it to be.

Compare reality to 'targets' or 'goals', objectively, without judgment or emotion. Discover and face the reality of root causes. Take action to either adjust the target or goal or the means being used to achieve them. Rinse and repeat till done (Warning: this may take a while, but what's the hurry?).

Being human, feelings of joy, sadness, exhilaration, despair will arise in moving towards a target or goal. Observe these feelings with equanimity in working to suspend judgment.

Will this turn us into emotionless robots? No. It will moderate unproductive emotions and generate an 'energy' that relaxes self and other, resulting in a state of 'being' (I'll find a better way to describe this some day!).

Working to overcome deep rooted tendencies to be critical can be an agonizing experience. Overcoming guilt and despair generated by the effort to overcome a personal weakness are just some of the challenges.

Dealing with reality vs. working to a Vision: is there a conflict?

If we become good at dealing with reality, will it lead to inaction? It could, if we are overcome by a sense of fatalism and respond with defensive or 'coping' behavior. Accepting reality does not mean there is no need to work to change it.

How are we to move forward?

In the short term, tackle reality with equanimity. Be proactive in setting goals and acting to move to the desired state (vision).

Things will stay the same or get worse only if there is no goal-driven action.

Dwelling only on short term or acting without perspective in the name of 'dealing with reality' will result in a reactive (and counterproductive) behavior. Working on achieving vision while ignoring short term realities results in 'ivory tower' thinking.

Deal with reality while working to change it.

Still a frog...

Sainthood checklist: Part I

Things I am working on:

1. Focus: live in the present, not in the past or the future
   
2. Concentrate: do not allow the mind to wander
3. Develop equanimity and self control: Observe body sensations without reacting
4. Deal with reality: deal with the world the way it is, not the way I want it to be
   
5. Do the right thing: avoid actions that harm others
6. Say the right thing: avoid words that hurt others
7. Reconcile cognitive dissonance with habits and deeply ingrained beliefs
8. Work diligently, with discipline and determination

Facing my worst fears

My worst fears generate a feeling of utter desperation and gloominess. The mind is overcome with negative thoughts, clear thought is impossible and it is hard to see anything in a positive light. The heart is overcome by fear and loneliness. The body tightens and breathing becomes harder. Anger leads to aggression, misunderstandings and communication gaps. Words are chosen to reflect my anxiety and expression become incoherent, making it harder to ask for and get help. It becomes practically impossible to see a different point of view.

All other negative reactions in the body (not related to my worst fears) are low hanging fruit. Taking care of the low hanging fruit through equanimity, builds confidence and self-esteem, increasing my energy, focus and determination to work on my worst fears.

The next milestone is to help others who are facing their worst fears.

Tracking improvements

The best sensor

The human body is the best sensor in the known universe. An external event will trigger a reaction in the body and you will feel this reaction as sensations. These sensations may cause pain or pleasure. Learn to track and observe these sensations with equanimity.

Reacting to an "external event" is actually a reaction to a sensation on the body. Therefore, anger and pleasure are not caused by external events, but are a response to a sensation on the body.

Over time this reaction becomes a habit resulting in action without thought. Develop the ability to track and observe the sensations with equanimity. Do not suppress the sensations (i.e. deal with reality), just observe with equanimity. Naturally, the deeper ingrained the habit, the harder it is to change it.

What if external events do not trigger a reaction and sensation? This is an indication of low emotional or social intelligence (and maybe other issues as well, such as a lack of compassion).

Householder realities

Awesome Parenting Technique!

There is hope for me! Some day they will thank me for this.

Gaining sainthood

Now if I can focus and achieve equanimity, then I will achieve sainthood. I am challenged by distractions that make me lose focus and interactions that frustrate me, sainthood seems pretty far away right now.

Even more annoying is the fact that achieving focus and equanimity is 100% in my control and no one (other than me) has to do anything differently.

The best thing to do for now seems to be to enjoy the process and improve my batting average. Time to buckle up and get down to it.

Seeing reality and Vipassana

Whose reality? Mine? Yours? The other guy's?

The answer is 'Yes'.

So how can we see everyone's reality? If its hard to do so, its only because we do not know how. Read about 'emotional intelligence' and 'social intelligence' if you want the modern, western approach. Vipassana meditation will give you the approach as taught by the Buddha. I find both approaches to be highly complementary.

So how to remain decisive and avoid analysis-paralysis in the process of understanding 'reality'. After all, 'action' is the end goal, not the intellectual satisfaction of understanding 'reality'.

Well... examine and understand your reality to know the answer! But wait, what about those other 'realities'?? :-)

Is it easy to figure this out? Of course not. But then the really important things in life don't seem to be easy. Maybe they are not meant to be. That is another reality to deal with.

Focus: being in the moment

Do you have trouble listening? Do you find the person you are talking to you boring? Painful? Irritating? Do you feel the need to increase your respect for your audience?

Your mind tells you the task at hand is critical, but your heart tugs you elsewhere: are you tired of battling yourself and getting distracted and thereby not getting enough done? Do you think multitasking is a virtue and when you look back, you find that you have not accomplished as much as you could have?

Stop the mind from straying. If the mind strays, it is going to the past or the future. Gently bring it back to the present. The present is all that matters.

Do not let technology come in the way (pager, phone etc.).

Calm the mind so it stays in the here and now. Do not generate non-existent fears. Trying to anticipate all that can happen is not productive, unless you are in a genuine planning session.

Vipassana: see things as they are

The word 'Vipassana' means to see things as they are.

What will it mean for you to see things as they are? To stop deluding yourself? To see events without filters and biases?

What will it mean for you to know yourself? To candidly face your strengths and weaknesses. To acknowledge your shortcomings and deal with them.

What will it mean for you to confront your toughest fears?