Handling negative emotions in other people

Please click on image to get a clearer view:

Control! Control!

Please click on image to get a clearer view:

When anger is replaced with compassion

Recently I had to face a very angry person. He raved and ranted at the situation, then at someone else and shortly thereafter turned his anger towards me. By practicing equanimity, I was able to observe his behavior without losing equilibrium. I felt a deep sense of compassion as I understood the pain he must be going thru and his utter loss of self-control when faced by that pain. He had no idea about all this of course and providing feedback/analysis/diagnosis/solutions to him would be committing suicide (actually it would be murder, for he might have killed me!).

However, I still need to hold him accountable for his actions and coach him towards a more positive and healthy interactions. This is still work-in-progress. At least I have stopped adding to the problem. That for me is progress.

Sainthood checklist: Part II

Additions to the list:

• Suspend judgment
• Do not allow myself to be dis empowered by another's weakness
• Handle the other person's discomfort with comfort
• Display compassion
• Recognize reality, describe it, then deal with it
• Control unproductive non-linear thought and insert a filter between such thought and speech
  
• Empower myself, take initiative, display courage
  

Equanimity: Does it mean I don't care?

Equanimity does not result in lack of interest. It just means displaying the capability to observe events or stimuli without reacting (either positively or negatively).

There is still room for passion, excitement, joy and other feelings. If these feelings are not or cannot be displayed, then don't blame equanimity, the problem lies elsewhere.

The exhilaration of success and the despair of failure can still be felt, but will be tempered by equanimity.

To live life to the fullest is to experience all the emotions that life has to offer. To gain freedom from craving and aversion, gain equanimity. If this seems a paradox, well, just add it to the list of paradoxes life has to offer!

Handling interruptions

An interruption abruptly halts a train of thought. There is an unpleasant and physical reaction in the body, leading to an unpleasant and sometimes violent outward reaction.

• Being cut off in traffic.
• Co-worker demanding attention without warning.
• Unexpected bad news.
• Children yelling at home at the end of a hard day's work.
  
• Distracting behavior from others while watching a movie.
• A telephone call while deep in thought on the next great idea.
• Etc.
  

Where is the reaction? In the body of course. Therefore, within control. Takes an effort. It will require giving up the pleasure of yelling, being sarcastic or physically threatening.

In the long term, what is more important, lasting inner peace thru self-control or momentary pleasure from release of emotions?

Caveat: Sometimes, there seems no other way to get someone's attention. Working on that as we speak...

Difference between priority and focus

Any problem in life can be solved permanently, just not all of them.

To eliminate a problem, start by focusing on it. Literally stare at it and acknowledge its reality and existence. Its really as simple as that. The solution will come to you. Warning: sometimes it may take longer than you like or can afford.

When overwhelmed by problems, choose the one or two important ones to focus on.

The problem may not be having too many problems, but the lack of ability to prioritize. To be able to prioritize, its critical to know what is important. Look deep within to know what is important. Acknowledge the reality of that need. If you need to eliminate the need itself, read this blog posting from the beginning and start over.

Knowing what not to focus on is sometimes as important as knowing what to focus on.