Taking interest to broaden horizons

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Run towards aversion

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Bonding

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Oink

A former boss told me this story to make a point: "If one person calls you a pig, ignore it. If a second person calls you a pig, you may want to take notice. If a third person calls you a pig, you better start oinkin', because you are a pig!"

Feedback from the environment is often consistent. Work hard on removing the core inner barriers that are stopping personal development. Changing jobs, managers, spouses, residence may sometimes be necessary to make a fresh start. Bring change to run towards something, not away from something.

Don't confuse an inner weakness with lack of strategic positioning. For example, if you are in a dead end job, look for a job with growth potential. Progress will take longer if you work on your inner weakness while staying in a dead end job. Taking a job with high growth potential, but not working on your inner barriers will expose you and cause equally deep frustration.

Only you can decide what has 'potential'. Potential in a job/manager/spouse/residence is relative to who you are, where you came from and where you are going. Work hard to create the luck needed to find a great job/manager/spouse/residence.

Stages in moving towards equanimity

An incident happens. Some typical stages in moving towards equanimity:

• Stage 1: The body is programmed to react violently and destructively. Words are spoken in anger. Physical violence may be contemplated. Lawsuits are threatened.
• Stage 2: There is recognition of loss of equanimity in the self. This leads to an increase in self-control and programmed reactions begin to lose their force.
  
• Stage 3: The finer distinction between external and internal equanimity is understood and recognized. The programmed reactions lose their force even more
  
• Stage 4: External equanimity is achieved. External manifestations of programmed reactions become rarer and rarer.
  
• Stage 5: When the next incident occurs, self control prevents the destructive emotions and behaviors from Stage 1. However, the body goes through extreme withdrawal symptoms and there is regret at not lashing out. This leads to a loss of internal equanimity and an occasional loss of external equanimity.
  
• Stage 6: Internal equanimity is achieved. This overcomes the pain experienced in Stage 5.
• Stage 7: True equanimity is achieved, both internal and external. It is reflected in word and deed, inspiring others to follow.
  

Regression between stages is common. Develop the discipline to be patient and stay focused.

Why Equanimity?

Because the world suffers from conflict caused by misunderstandings, biases, aversion, craving, selfishness, fear, ego, pride, anger, insecurity, greed, low self-esteem, arrogance, poor communication skills, incomplete knowledge, low patience and low tolerance for diversity.

Well, OK, so the world is not FULL of all this, but even a single incident involving any of these is likely to bring doom and gloom and loss of equanimity.

Equanimity can make conflict resolution easier. It can prevent and is the solution and antidote to the pain caused by a loss of equanimity.

If not 'Equanimity', then what other choices are there?

3 Types of People

You will meet 3 types of people:

• Positive
• Negative
• Neutral

Technically, people are not 'positive', 'negative' or 'neutral', that is how they are at any point of time (but you knew what I meant...).

Which ones are 'better'?

The question is irrelevant. Since you cannot control the other person, focus on your responses. Start with achieving equanimity and appreciate the impermanence of all things.

Developing the true power to communicate

Develop the ability to describe reality in order to connect with your audience. But first, you have to see things as they are! To increase this power to communicate, help others describe their reality and connect with their audiences.

Use this when:

• Communicating with others.
• Communicating with yourself.
• Helping third parties communicate with each other.
  

Use your existing knowledge, skills, personal characteristics: audience analysis, presentation skills, language skills, personal presence, being in the moment, accepting vulnerability, openness, critical thinking, trust, rapport, listening skills, being genuine, curiosity, self-esteem, flexibility, adapting to the situation, creativity, compassion etc.

Unlearn or lose the following: judging the message or the messenger, loss of equanimity, personal biases and filters, need to be right, defensiveness (protecting the self) etc.

Agreement or disagreement is irrelevant till true understanding is achieved.

Intellectual and Emotional Wisdom

In any conversation, you have 3 choices. Which choice will you select for which situation? Is your choice an intellectual or an emotional decision?

Having made the choice, reflect on the underlying reasons to discover more about yourself.